ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
