Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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