Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
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