i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
it's like iHOP with fire
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I did not marry a roomba.
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