You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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