turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
