My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
