I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
