I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
