Dude my mom stole all your condoms
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize