Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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