that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
