I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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