I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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