Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
please don't ironically join a cult
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