I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
