So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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