Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
