So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
