Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
