I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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