Little spoons don't ask big questions
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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