omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
two words: eviction party
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
