Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
