She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
