i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
