i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
