You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
