if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
50% drunk capacity currently
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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