I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
