Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
