apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
