went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
