I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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