can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
