Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
