i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
