Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
