When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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