We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
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