dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
