bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
