Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
