i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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