I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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