Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize