Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
