I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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