I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
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