It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize