I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize