Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
