I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
