did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
