Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize