everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
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