we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
