Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
well, you know. whores of a feather.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize