I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
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