Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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