Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
