What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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