nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
