Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
