screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
