I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
