My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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