do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize