my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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