dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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