dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
