Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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