i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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