ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
