I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize