in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
