My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
That's when you crack a 10am beer
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
