fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize