I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
