look no pants
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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