checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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