i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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