mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize