I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
