would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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