I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
