Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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