she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
