dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
