you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize