he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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