dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
