No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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