I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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