we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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