'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
