Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
