you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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