quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
