Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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