Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
