ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
