Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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