Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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