He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
