Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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