I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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