dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
