apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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